| Month of Egyptian Exile | Notorious Occurences | Month of Chinese Exile | Notorious Occurences | |
| September 2003 | I arrive in Cairo and penetrate goat-clogged alleys | January 2005 | I arrive in Beijing. Mustache freezes to face | |
| October 2003 | I find an apartment and attempt to decipher local babble | February 2005 | I travel around China and reach Yilong, my village | |
| November 2003 | I amass a vast hoard of dates | March 2005 | I try to teach vast hoards of peasants | |
| December 2003 | I wallow in utter obscurity | April 2005 | Agricultural announcements | |
| January 2004 | I get a job teaching English | May 2005 | Price of eggplants plummets | |
| February 2004 | Joys of the Amboobit Butagaz | June 2005 | I am converted by North Korean propaganda | |
| March 2004 | Joys of smouldering mounds of rubble and plastic trash | July 2005 | I explore Eastern Tibet and reach the Taklamakan desert | |
| April 2004 | I catalog the deformed kleenex vendors of Cairo | August 2005 | I reach occupied Lhasa | |
| May 2004 | I visit an Oasis and Upper Egypt | September 2005 | I cycle across the Himilayas | |
| June 2004 | Exodus to Jordan | October 2005 | I enter the land of the foul | |
| July 2004 | Syria, Lebanon and Tukey | November 2005 | I almost die, but escape to Japan |